As I research the topic of older women dating younger men, I am somewhat surprised to see some statistics flowing from “across the pond” in the UK as well as here in the United States. Gleaning the following from the BBC and NBC Network News, I felt it important to share them with you. It seems as though the Cougar “craze” is more than just a mania. It appears that women who are older are also reaching beyond just establishing control in their careers. They are branching out to shamelessly embrace their passion for life and for enjoying it with a man who can keep up with them and stimulate them in and out of the boudoir. For those naysayers who tell me that a younger man is “just out for sex” and won’t seriously consider marriage to an older women (I hear this most from older men who are threatened by these young bucks) these stats will be an eye opener?
30% of all women fit the bill of being a Cougar woman.
35% of women not currently dating prefer younger men.
34% of women 40+ date younger men.
17% of women in their 50’s prefer men in their 40’s.
25% of older British women are married to younger men.
(Sources: BBC documentary: “Sugar Mummies”. The Today Show, NBC, November 21, 2009)
Older men who are threatened by the younger men muscling in on their territory say that younger men only want older women for sex and financial security. If you look at the main reasons younger women date older men, the argument can be made that they want the older men for financial security. The older men want the younger women for sex. Older men claim that marriages between younger men and older women won’t last. Perhaps they will last just as long as the marriages between older men and younger women do. The difference is, the sex will be better for the older woman; or as a Cougar said to me, “My ex husband was 70 years old when we divorced. If I am going to have sex with a man, it’s going to be with a man whose skin still fits him!”
I suppose if it is okay with the older men that younger women want them for what they can provide, then why shouldn’t it be okay with them that younger men want older women for much of the same thing? I suppose it bothers these men to know that older women have more to offer a younger man: maturity, confidence, sensuality, sexuality, financial stability, perspective, and the libido of an older woman most closely matches that of the younger man. This can’t necessarily be said about the older man; unless of course, he is popping Viagra.
Older women know more of what they want and don’t play the games younger women do. I consult with thousands of men and women and they regularly tell me that the match up between them is much more fulfilling on many levels (not just sex, but hey- it sweetens the equation) than relationships with men their age.
Older women say they find their eyes wandering when a handsome, young man comes strolling by and they are out with someone their age or older. They look at their dining companion and think,” Will I be running to the drug store to buy him Depends in 5 years?” They look at the deep wrinkles in his skin, notice the yellow/gray of his teeth and receding hairline, wonder if he is going to be able to keep up with them on the hiking trail or dancing till dawn and then their mind wanders off to the man 20 years their junior who passionately kissed them in the doorway at midnight while they strolled along the boardwalk.
They tell me they wonder at times why they resisted dating younger men for so long. They discounted them due to their age. It wasn’t until they started to really get to know some of these younger men that they realized that many of them have the maturity and wisdom of men who are older and gravitate toward older women with whom they feel they have something in common.
Choosing a younger man to date is no different from choosing a man your age or older to date. You still have the same criteria, you just look for it in a younger package. Even a man aged 50 can be immature, obtuse and boring. What a man is at 50, he was at 25, so don’t think just because a man is younger that he will fit the bill.
But once you do defy your own ageism bias and go out with a few younger men, you may be pleasantly surprised at how much you actually have in common. The right younger man for you will be sensitive, fun, communicative, a good listener, a strong shoulder and offer you devotion and passion that you may have longed for but could not find in someone whose attitudes were shaped in the 60’s and 70’s.
Who knows? You may just wind up another very happy Cougar statistic!